Children Say the Darnedest Things

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" I said with a surprisingly stern tone for a three year old. A strange man was standing in our livingroom as my baby sitter and I walked into the one bedroom apartment my single mom and I shared. She had met him during her night out and now, he was lingering into the morning.

Immediately intuitive alarm bells were sounding within me and without any knowledge of self-censoring, I said exactly what I was feeling without hesitation.

Mom, however, thought I was just being sassy and didn't bother to take my strong feelings about this strange man into consideration. Instead, she laughed. Later, she retold the story several times to family and friends as if it were some endearing anecdote, instead of a deeper knowing.

My feelings for him didn't change as she continued to see him. What changed was how I expressed my feellings. What changed was who I felt safe expressing my feelings to. I also learned not to trust my intuition. My mother's actions showed me my inner voice wasn't worth listening to.

After dating for less than two years, my mom married that man and he adopted me. Not because I wanted him to adopt me, but because I knew it would make my mother happy. Learning early on to silence my feelings to please those around me.

Their marriage lasted around thirteen years and we learned the hard way, my three year old gut was right. He was a very bad man.